From orchid
Question: I’m the baby in the house and have always been protected by my family. Since I was young I didn’t really have to do anything. I didn’t have to do a single chore at home. My mom said she wants me to ‘huong phuoc’ before I get married. On my senior year, my teacher laughed at me because I had no clue what she was talking about when she asked me have I apply for college. To me, at that time, was my brother’s job. He does everything for me from looking for the right college to getting financial aids. All I need to do is show up for class. When applying for my credit card, my dad did all the talking and I signed the paper. Throughout that time I was treated like a little non-english speaking girl and I did let them treat me like a little girl. I depended on them on everything.
In the past few months because of some changes in my family, I had to step out of my comfort zone; it’s a cruel joke I did to myself. I wasn’t preparing for the real world at all. My family decided to open a shop that supposed to allow us to live a better life. Because of so much going on, my family can’t baby me anymore. They wanted me to help my sister run the store. All of the sudden, she expected me to play the role of a manager: a role of someone who can lead other people. I also had to order supplies, advertising the store, calling potential client to get more business. This is all new to me. I was lost and don’t even know where to begin. I get yell at when I do something un-owner like. What hurts me most is the numerous times I was put down by my own sister because I didn’t do something right. All her negative words really got to me. I had to painfully admit to myself that I’m slow and stupid because I just couldn’t be as smart as her or as sharp as her. I tried to work so hard just to gain her respect.
I feel like my sister doesn’t understand me at all. She doesn’t know what I’m capable of or incapable of. I was a spoiled girl who didn’t have to do anything. Now I have to learn everything and it’s just a lot to take in. I felt lost and abandoned. My brother came to the shop and told me I don’t act like a manager at all, he said I acted like a little kid. Nobody knows what I have to go through. I tried to work hard, I tried to learn, and I didn’t complain to her at all. I even eager to learn more mainly is to prove to my sister that I can do it. I’m not a useless person. It’s just everything is so overwhelming to me. I don’t know how to deal with the employee. I went to library and search for books about dealing with people, leading people, being a better owner/manager/etc. When I don’t know something about the store, I would rather read the owner guidebook over and over for hundreds times until I get it because I don’t want to ask my sister and then get yell at again for being stupid. I always feel so small when I step into the store, especially when I approach my sister. She made me feel less than a human being. For every little thing I do wrong, she calls me dumb. I would avoid bothering her in front of the employee for I fear she might embarrass me in front of them.
I have a strong desire to excel her. So she would just shut it and give me some respect. The crazy thing is she’s a good person. She put so much work in this store. It’s not only her store but the family’s also, yet she’s the only one that had to work her ass of. She is so selfless and is such a good daughter. It’s just her bad attitude when she gets overworked. We were so close and we still are, but there are times I just wanted to call her b-itch. Sometime I gain such hatred for her and disappointed at myself that I thought this is not worth living at all.
A part of me is so angry with her for she expected too much from me and all that she can do when her expectations aren’t met is putting me down. She did nothing to help me. If I can get through this, all the works is me. Bless her heart, I love her and I know she loves me. I just wish she would there for me instead of putting me in this position.
Nhi, sorry for such the long letter. Somehow, when writing out the feelings, I feel better. I really like your positive view of life. What’s your secret?
Answer: Secret? Ah, I wish life does have a secret recipe, a tested and proven formula. Though I can't cook up one, I have garnered and observed enough experiences to believe "balance" is a huge component to life's success. Identify your values and never lose sight of them as you balance your personal, work-related, and family lives while recognizing and managing their conflicts. See beauty in everything and perceive goodness in all. And live with a general belief, a general faith that all will be okay in the end. Yet indeed, all is easier said than done. Theoretically, I am a great person. In practice, I am not so sure. :) That said, I'll try responding to your specific situation:
Your duties and responsibilities, at this moment, is to help your family store gain profits. Beginning a new venture is never an easy task. After all, "vạn sự khởi đầu nan". And you want to do a good job. Your sister equally so desires. She, herself, is facing much pressure and responsibility. The expectations and standards she set towards you are reflective of standards she set for herself. Yelling at you, though is very wrong, is her outlet from being overworked and stressed. Being in her shoes, it is hard to remain calm. But no matter how understanding you are of her situation, and how much you love her, you don't have to let things settle with her yelling. Next time, instead, tell her (calmly and resolutely): "This is new to me. Give me time. I can perfect my role, but it'll be easier and faster if I have your support."
I believe you will always be a filial daughter and responsible sister. But also keep in mind to always be you. At this juncture, you are a manager. But life comes in stages. Who you are now, what you want now, and what you must/should do now aren't written in stone. Leave time for yourself to realize your inner dreams, desires, and potential. Life is opening one door after another, isn't it? :) Live each stage with command, commitment, objective, and resolution. Move forwards, always. :)
Best,
TkN